Tami Tells All

Feeling a Little Dirty

2009-01-19T17:46:00.000-08:00

So I am feeling a little dirty right now.

Previously today:
I jump in the shower to shave my legs and my pussy. Shaving my pussy reminds me of getting my pussy licked, so the whole act of shaving is a little sensual. After I shower and get dressed, I start to feel a bit horny. Realizing that it is day time and people are in the house, which means that having sex with my boyfriend is out due to the possibility of someone knocking on our bedroom door, I decided that I was going to privately masturbate.

So I thought, "I'm all ready on the computer, why not check out some sexy pics on the internet to get my mood even more heightened." So I am sneakily scrolling through some images, hoping to find something that gets my blood flowing. I love anal sex, so I picked this genre to choose from. -BTW, there are some damn freaky pics out there on the web.

So I finally found a couple of pics that peaked my interest. It was a girl getting her ass fucked while sucking on another guy's cock. Personally, I have never done this, but I have fantasized about it.

So I sneak into an empty room, lock the door and start to masturbate with the images still vivid in my mind. The imagery lasted for about 2 minutes and then I ended up reverting back to imaginary fantasies to keep my excitement.

After I climaxed, (damn I love that feeling) I put my clothes back on, went back upstairs to my office and thought to myself, "I am feeling a little dirty right now." I was satisfied by climaxing, but left with some distasteful images of porn in my head. Don't get me wrong, some porn is pretty hot, but most of the images I saw on the web were not all that pretty.

So I am feeling a little dirty right now.

Definition of Laziness

2009-01-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

What is the true definition of laziness?

For instance,

Is it allowing cob webs to build up in your closet for years?

or

Not cleaning the cob webs out of your closet after they have built up for years?

The Dictionary says: "to not be disposed to exertion, work, or activity."

So what makes people lazy?

Personally, I think laziness is just the lack of "drive," or motivation. Sometimes it can even be a result of just plain stubbornness. (e.g "Why the hell should I clean the closet? What am I, the house maid? Why the fuck can't they do it themselves? I have better things to do?"

Any other thoughts?

Frequently Visited Upon Question

2009-01-09T20:18:00.001-08:00

How many times have you asked yourself, "Am I happy with where I am at in my life, and what do I do now?" For me, it has been a frequently visited upon question.

Leading to where I am now today, I decided to follow my feelings instead of my criticism. Was this wrong? Probably not. Did it work? "I don't quite fucking know yet."

The bigger question is, "What the hell do I do now, if I am not that happy?"

Twas the Night Before Sex

2009-01-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

yes! Yes! Oh Baby, YES!

Twas the night before Sex, when all through the bed
Not a creature was stirring, not even his head.
My stockings were hung by my Garter belt with care,
In hopes that his mouth soon would be there.

My breasts were nestled all snug in my hands,
While visions of cock sucking danced in dreamland.
And a Vixen in her panties, and I in mine too,
Had just settled our bodies to give tongue to.

When out of my dream there arose such a movement,
I rolled in the bed to see some improvement.
Away to my panties I flew off like a flirt,
Tore open the blankets and threw off my shirt.

The nipple on the breast of my body grew firm,
Gave the feeling of tingles causing my body to squirm.
When, what to my wondering eye sprawls,
But a swelling cock, and two eager balls.

Mmmmm, you get the rest!

I have been enjoying myself for the past few days. Completely.

My answer on how to have sex with a stubborn man:

1) Reverse Psychology

I just stopped asking for it. I acted like I wasn't interested. Damn was it hard sometimes. But I basically just kept to myself. Eventually, I was the one who was being pursued. Amazing!

Sexy chick and Pot

2009-01-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

One of the only pics I could find including a sexy chick and pot. Not too disappointing.

Although, when I imagine a hot babe, crawling up my naked body and rubbing her tits against mine, I imagine a darker haired girl for some reason, and with paler skin. Not sure why.

I get a little wet thinking of one of my imaginary chicks licking my pussy though. Very hot!

Vampire Fantasy Part 2

2008-12-29T21:17:00.001-08:00

Like in a lustful trance, I start slipping my fingers between my wet pussy lips, I thrust my finger into my pussy. Slow and deep I thrust my finger in my pussy, pumping my one finger, then two fingers, in and out. My body gets hot, my breath gets heavier, it feels more intense then I ever remember it feeling before. I keep fucking my pussy, thrusting harder every time. It sounds so wet.

"Mmmmmmmm, come take me now," I'm thinking. "Come feel me", "taste me."

I start thinking how good my pussy would taste. With one last thrust, I push in real deep. Eagerly wanting to taste my own juices, I slide my fingers out of my pussy and drip them up to my watered mouth. I wrap my tongue and lips around my wet pussy fingers to taste and suck the juices off. Lustfully I start to slide my fingers in and out of my mouth. I want to fuck my mouth like I did my pussy. I imagine licking and sucking on them the way I would a cock. I start fucking my mouth, wetting them with my spit and then sucking them off after I've thrust them in and out. Mmmmmmm, it tastes and feels so good. I pull my moist fingers out of my mouth to rub the juices onto my hard nipples. My pulse gets faster as I rub my nipples harder.

"Come fuck me," I say in a whisper. "Take my body, come fuck me, and make it hurt."

The air feels cooler and the wind starts to blow harder. My now wet nipples feel intensely cold causing shivers to run across my skin. I wrap my hands around my breasts and hold them firmly. The wind starts to whip in, throwing my hair back and forth across the air. I stand there, caressing my breasts, and lick the remaining pussy taste off of my mouth.

My Mission

2008-12-27T15:08:00.000-08:00

My Mission: To get my man to be completely turned on, resulting in his need to have sex with me.

My Goal: To do by what ever means necessary to turn him completely on.

My Resources: My body, lingerie, sex toys and lubricants if necessary, my actions, my verbal communication, my behavior, and suggestion from the viewers.

Diary entry #9:
For the past several nights, my beautiful naked body has been untouched by my boyfriend. His alternative was to game or watch TV till he got too tired. I have nicely mentioned to him the following day how much I was looking forward to us being together. Still, to no prevail, the same scenario happens every night.

My Options:

A) Rape the bastard
B) Declare Independence with my vibrator in despite
C) Turn him on so badly that his only option is to fuck me like the vixen I am.

Vampire Fantasy Part 1

2008-12-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

After reading a friend's blog today about the movie "Twighlight", I realized I better hurry my ass and watch the damn movie before it I read any spoilers.

I LOVE Vampire movies.
Some of my absolute favorite are:

Queen of the Damned
Bram Stoker's Dracula

Interview With a Vampire

Van Helsing

Underworld

Lost Boys

Twighlight

My Fantasy about a vampire PART 1 (each part gets better)

I imagine, it's a cool windy night. I'm standing at an open window in my bedroom staring out at the full moon. I'm wearing a dark red, sheer, nightgown that hangs just short enough that it shows my matching dark red panties. Maybe it's the sight of the full moon that seduces me, because without realizing it, I start to lightly brush my fingers back and forth across my breasts. My skin starts to tingle with pleasure. This time I slide both of my hands around my breasts and grab firmly, slowly sliding my fingers up to touch my now hard nipples. Feeling full of desire, I lay my head back and close my eyes as I pinch my nipples hard. It sends intense sensations all through my body. I feel a direct breeze rush across my neck. It blows my long hair across my bare shoulders and across my breasts. My breath starts to get heavier, my hands start to slide from my hard nipples down my skin to my now wet panties. I want to touch. I want to feel how wet I am. As I slip my fingers into my panties, my back arches, my breath gets heavier, and my neck is fully exposed.

I want to get bitten.

Fiery Cock Monster

2008-12-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

I am slowly sinking into a mind-frame that I did not want to go into.
For the past 4 days, I have put my sexual urges on a leash. I have not advanced, flirted, suggested anything sexual, or even accidentally bumped into him just to brush my hand across his cock. I have kept my distance, focused on work, family and anything else that would keep me busy. Maybe if I stopped trying to get it, I would eventually get it.

So today I thought, fuck it. I want some.
I imagined lying on top of him, and kissing him while I ran my hands across his chest and down to his cock.
Just a quick pick me up.

See, we work on our computers in the same damn room, which also happens to be our bedroom. It is soooo convenient to just take a 5 minute break, no wait, 15 minute break and just play with each other for a little. You know, flirt and kiss and do things people would do when they first get together after only being able to masturbate with each other over the computer while using pixilized characters to fulfill out our role playing fantasies for the damn longest time.

I want more, I want it now, and I want it all the time for some strange reason.

So, I turned my chair around to face him and the following is what transpired.

"Sweety" (pause).

"What", he says.

"On the bed", I said sweetly.

He glances over to the bed then back to me looking confused. "Huh"? he replied.

"You, on the bed, now please", I told him." I really want to cuddle with you right now."

"No. I don't want to cuddle right now", he says to me.

"But we havn't cuddled in a while." (thinking) "I'm not going to present a case to you of why I want to cuddle." I said starting to feel frustrated.

"No, I don't want to lay on the bed." he said, not even making eye contact with me. "Besides, I just cuddled with you last night", he reports.

(Remembering that he did happen to roll over and put his arm around me seconds before he fell asleep.)

So I slowly turn my chair back around facing my computer screen and inconspicuously pulled up notepad on my computer screen to vent my fucking frustration.

The thoughts that started popping into my head:

"Ignore him for months"
"Fucking bastard loves being in control"
"I hate how I have to fucking ask for affection, why can't I just take it when ever I want. It's not like he is making any moves to be flirtatious and physical with me."
"I want to do something that tells him I am really not happy about this."
"Can I last for months, will it drive me crazy?"
"Am I going to be one of those sad, deprived girls, that pretend to be happy but are really not?"
"Oh, this fucking isn't going to work. Damn it, What the hell is wrong here, and why doesn't he care?"
"It's not the same as it used to be"

Of course when we first got together it was just us. We would always be flirting, cuddling, kissing, hand holding, and have sex all the time. I understand now that all of the kids are with us, we can't have sex all of the time, but what about everything else.

It's like there is this little, fiery, cock monster inside of me saying "I NEED!", "Give it to me now!"

I don't think I have ever been the one deprived before. I have always, in the past, been the one to say "no" once in a while, but not have been told no.
What the hell?
And, don't fucking say it's karma either.

Oh well, I will try not to hold this into my memory along with all the other little notches carved on the wood of my "he fucking did it again" stick.

What do you do with a man who is stubborn?

2008-12-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

10 Ways to deal with a stubborn man.

1) Ignore him
2) Be more stubborn
3) Call him a names
4) Spank him like the little child he is
5) Tie him to the bed, stuff your panties in his mouth and do naughty things to him

(Ok, getting off track a bit)

6) Tell him how you feel
7) Piss him off to try to get his attention
8) Accept him for the way he is
9) Pretend to accept him for the way he is
10) Write about it in a blog

Old and New Games

2008-12-18T20:52:00.001-08:00

I'm in a much better mood right now.
I'm a bit high right now, but in a better mood.
Not too much to whine about I guess.
I'm sure I'll be being complaining about something by tomorrow though, damn it.

I came across a couple of cool sites today, Pwn Greenland, who schooled me about more ancient games like Dizzy and Cast Medium who linked me to a pretty cool video showing some fun in my favorite game, World of Warcraft.

World of Warcraft is a totally cool game. It's graphics are amazing, the characters are sexy, the story line has suspiciously never ended. It is a perfectly fun, normal, addictive, time consuming, kids leave me alone you know where the cereal is, game.

But seriously, it rocks.

Actually I havn't been playing much lately. Maybe I'll sneak on tomorrow.

Pwn Greenland
Dizzy

Cast Medium
Project Lore Video

Maybe next time it will last longer

2008-12-18T07:20:00.000-08:00

So Brady is staying home from school this morning, because he got suspended from school for skipping school last week. First thing his father does with him this morning is (and this is different) he leaves our room to go smoke his pipe with Brady in Brady's room. Way to go! Let's reward Brady for getting suspended by giving getting him High! He will totally straighten up now.

Why am I pissed that he ran off to another room to get high with Brady when he usually does it right here in our room? I really don't know. Is it because I am being excluded! Is it because we had a tiny argument before he left to go do this? Is he being vindictive? Should I be offended? Why do I care, if I remember correctly, I vowed not to smoke with him anymore until I saw some improvement on his part.

I just asked Mike about where he was when he left room. He said he went to go talk to Brady. Bullshit!

So about a half hour later I confronted him. I said "so you didn't go into Brady's room to go get high with him?" He replied. "ya, AND I went in to go talk to him".
Why do I feel pissed right now?

I'm still not smoking with him right now, I am standing my ground on that one. But I did have sex with him last night. I said I wasn't going to make any advances towards him, but last night around 2 AM he woke up and wanted to fuck, so we did. It was nice, except for the fact that when he tells me he wants me to lick and suck his balls, (which I love, yummy!), he wasn't very refreshing down there. I wasn't going to say, "umm go take a shower first", so I dripped my spit down his ball sack and rubbed it around while I licked hoping it would wash it a bit. I was left with an unpleasant taste in my mouth. The fucking part was great, ended too soon, but maybe next time it will last longer. Hmmm. Well I can be glad for him that he got completely satisfied. lol

I swear, this man does not want to work.

2008-12-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

OK, Mike has been high all day, and probably feels accomplished because he fed the kids dinner by buying pizza. I am not impressed. I don't mind him smoking it up, if it helped him be more productive and less lazy. What the hell! I want my man to enjoy his day but fucking work too.

OK, so he sat at the computer and looked at some more stuff to help start his business up. Then he watched videos on youtube about haunted houses (for hours), now he is watching "Venture Brothers". I swear, this man does not want to work. I moved my ass across 5 fucking states to be with him. I'm giving up a lot of my own free-time to work and make money. I try to spend time with the kids when I am not working, and try to pick up all day long a little here and there as I take work breaks. My honey, sits at his computer most of the time, NOT working. Hmmm, this sounds like a re-occurring theme.

A week from now, I am going to read through all of my posts and either cry in a corner, or confront someone special in my life.

Does it make him feel emasculated?

2008-12-16T15:00:00.000-08:00

Oh my hell!
I was promised two days ago by Mike, that he would start kicking butt and take care of some unpacked boxes, and etc. Well....Mike finally got some money to start his business back up again. Cool! Except for now he is on the computer all day long for 2 days straight checking out merchandise for his business, instead of taking care of house business.

I know that in our relationship, I have been the only one making money so far. I work on the computer all day long. He has not been making any money, and he usually just sits on the computer all day long either playing WOW, or watching videos on youtube.

Does it make him feel emasculated to take care of the house? Clean, organize, help cook, etc. WHO THE FUCK CARES! It is something that needs to get done. We are supposed to work as a team. I work and he should work. Whether it is the house, the dishes, the boxes, the kids, etc, it needs to get done and I can't do it all myself.

I understand that before we moved in together, he was sort of a cave dweller, messy room, un-motivated, maybe even depressed. We found each other, got happy, and now what? We have a family now, a whole group of people, and we need everyone to help this family function. Especially the adults.

So, I will not get on his back, or guilt him. Instead I will sit at my computer and work, while he sits at his computer and looks busy. Stuff won't get done. I know that if I push him, he will just get all fucking defensive. So...... I will watch and wait. Maybe I'll sneak him a "Honey I love you list of things to do pretty please, or I'll secretly kill you!" note. LOL

BTW - according to my previous post, I was not going to advance towards Mike sexually at all, nor smoke any pot.
So far, I have not done either. We'll see what transpires next.

Plugged in Pleasure

2008-12-15T14:45:00.000-08:00

So, I kind of took the day off of work to hang with Mike. It was cool, we hung out, smoked a little, and I try to get into his pants as much as possible but was told to wait till tonight.

Later that night, I put on a little make-up, do my hair, slip into something sexy, and prepare for some fun we had talked about earlier.

He falls asleep.
Grrrr.. so I turn on the t.v., he wakes up, and fucking smokes his pipe and goes on his computer.

What the fuck!

He should know damn well that when I want him ALL DAY LONG, and he tells me to wait till the kids go to bed, then completely avoids being sexual with me....something is wrong here. It is like, he doesn't want to...or he is too lazy to, or , he is not horny nor will he be tonight because he is getting fucking stoned.?

Speaking of being stoned, it is all fine and good once in a while, but all day long, and then there is Brady; the only damn reason he even comes up to our room to pretend to want to visit or hang, or act nice is because he wants to get stoned. He begs for it. His dad was standing there telling him no, about 20 times. Then once tonight, while Brady was finally taking some hits, he asked for more, his dad said NO, but Mike ended up giving him like a whole freaking bowl anyway. What the hell? What is up with pot taking top priority with these boys. I swear Mike would go celibate if he had to choose sex over pot, and Brady (what's the deal with Brady), I mean come on! getting wicked HIGH on a school night. It is not even the weekend.
Well, it looks as if I am back to my dildo tonight.

I swear, I am starting to get totally turned off to the whole pot thing. If it weren't so damn important, if it didn't interfere with my sex life, or Brady's respect to his family, or if it did anything good at all, then it would be fine all the time.

A) Mike pays more attention to Mary Jane than he does me, I swear I'm almost getting jealous.

B) Brady for goodness sakes shouldn't be smoking it up on a freaking school night. He gets over-obnoxious when he smokes, he isn't taking care of business at school, or with respecting me and the kids here at home, never mind not listening to his dad. I think he should only get pot on the weekends and only for good behavior.

C) I swear, if I banned pot from this house, I would be considered Queen Evil. That just shows me where I stand against MJ. My boyfriend would rather sleep with, during, and after using her than he would me. LOL. That was a good one. But TRUE! Well not so true, I do like to over-exaggerate.

I think I am not going to advance towards Mike anymore. I'm staying off of pot and sex. Let's see what happens with this one. I'm tired of being told, no, or wait, or not now. I don't know how bad this will back fire against me, but I am tired of being put on hold sexually. I want more than a plugged in pleasure to go to sleep with. I would rather have him say yes to me during the day and not to MJ. I know damn well that when he smokes, his sex drive goes down and he gets lazy and tired....well what the fuck! We also have a family to take care of, boxes to still unpack, Christmas is right around the corner and the tree still sits in a box. Sure, I could do it all, but my hell, am I the only one who cares?

Oh no he didn't!

2008-12-12T14:39:00.000-08:00

Brady totally started getting upset over something his grandpa got on his back about, having someone at school drew or did marker writings on his arm. Brady all pissed off at his grandpa, starts telling me all about it, then decides to start cutting my son down.

"Oh no he didn't!"

He was saying all sorts of things, but the only thing that stuck out the most was when he called my son ignorant. Oh my hell, David is only 7. Brady was totally being pissy. If I say something like, "hey, don't talk like that about the kids, because I wouldn't let them say stuff like that about you", he just gives me attitude back and starts arguing with me.

Fuck no!

This is a problem.

Still living out of a box

2008-12-11T14:38:00.000-08:00

It is now 3 pm and Mike still hasn't done anything about doing what needs to get done. In fact, I can remember him playing on the computer for most part of the day all the time and maybe working an hour or two later in the day. A WHOLE frickin day worth of stuff that needs to get done is gone and wasted. Multiply that by almost everyday that we have been here and it fucking adds up BIG TIME. We got here 2 weeks ago and are still living out of boxes. Sure, I could do it myself. BUT, why the hell should I be the one to sacrifice all of my personal,fun,relaxing time to just WORK? Work on the computer, work with the kids, work on the house, work on the food, work on unpacking, cleaning, getting organized, making it a functioning home....etc? Grrrrr!
We had a discussion about tits, ass, and insecurities of mine today. He seemed to be OK about the subject. It helped.
I get sarcastic with him sometimes, mixed in with a little attitude, and he throws attitude right back at me. Why is it that I am getting the feeling that it is clearly OK for him to get attitude with me, but I can't with him.?

Fucking Grilled Cheese

2008-12-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

• After I disciplined my son David, Mike went in and got on Dave’s back as well....I was not happy about it.
• I am so fucking pissed, I have told Brady many times to stay out of my daughter’s room. He didn’t even knock on her door, walked in and took his boombox. I walked over to him and reminded that he has to knock on her door, he said too bad no one knocks on his door first, and I also reminded him that he is not allowed in her room, he says too bad his dad said he could get it
• I am so fucking pissed that while I was struggling with David, Brady comes over and just stands there watching while I am struggling and getting Dave into trouble, Dave gets into major trouble, I take Dave up to his room and I could hear movement on the stairs, Brady minutes later opens the door and I told him not to come up to listen or come into the room while Dave is getting into trouble. BRADY totally gives me attitude all the time when I ask him to do something or NOT do something. Brady is 15 years old, come on!
• Mike just said he was going to make grilled cheese for the kids for dinner, Big fucking deal. What about the laundry, the fact that I am still living out of boxes, the paperwork, the cleanliness of the house, the everything else.
• Right now, while I am working, Mike's dad is helping David with his homework, while Mike sits up in his room. Grrrrr
• That's all right, I'll fucking get my own dinner, you see me sitting here working, you make some fucking grilled cheese and don't even offer me any.
Mike's dad just asked me what I would like for dinner. He is always thinking of me, and goes out of his way to do what he can. Mike doesn't.

Why I am pissed off at Mike

2008-12-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

I am totally pissed off right now about

• Mike not working
• Mike's negative attitude towards everything
• Mike's negative jokes towards me (comments, behaviour, etc), e.g. name calling, get off, asshole, etc
• I am pissed that when I do feel frustrated and want to go into my own room to talk to Mike, Brady is hanging out in there. NO PRIVACY!
• I am pissed that I am the only fucking one making money
• I am pissed that I work constantly, help kids, clean, cook, use patience, but Mike does not, or very little, or only if he has to, and uses NO patience.
• I am pissed that he is taking advantage of me
• I am pissed that he is using me for money, but refuses to put in any effort to help out with what needs to get done.
• He doesn't clean, laundry, barely helps kids with homework
• He is lazy
• He doesnt take care of himself
• His dad takes better care of the house and kids then he does
• His dad socializes with me better
• His dad is nicer then he is, and has a better attitude
• His dad fucking got out the hospital and a the next day started doing helpful things around the house while Mike hung out in his room
• Mike is a cave dweller and I hate it
• Why won't he put into this relationship at least 50-50
• Does he expect me to work the whole time, take care of the kids, and put up with his laziness

The Beginning

2008-12-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

Here is my quick version of my story.
I'm a single mom of two beautiful children, David and Sarah.
I play WOW.
While going through divorce, I meet a wonderful man on WOW, Mike.
He is a little older than me, single, and has one 15 year old boy, Brady.
We decided we wanted to be together.
I move,with my kids, 5 states away to be with him.
We love each other very much.
Sex is really good.
We get along really well.
Financial problem arise.
He is not working.
I am not getting child support.
We move again, but to his dad's house until we can save enough money for our own place.
I started to get really frustrated by some things, and decided to vent it ALL here. The good and the bad.

MY LIFE with my boyfriend, whom I met online, our 3 kids, and what happens afterwards.